The Babylon Rogues
by Kopatropa
Summary: A series of oneshots of the SpongeBob episodes starring The Babylon Rogues. Rated T just in case. R&R! REQUESTS FOR EPISODES ARE OPEN! I'm new here so be nice, please.
1. Rise and Shine

Rise and Shine

Jet the Hawk had just woken up. He calls up Wave the Swallow.

"Hey, Wave. You ready for the big Extreme Gear race this afternoon?"

"Heck, yeah!" replies Wave.

"Wave, I was wondering. How does Storm handle _his _mornnigs?" asks Jet.

We see Storm the Albatross sleeping on the floor. His alarm rings.

"WHAT! WHAT'S THAT NOISE?!" exclaims the bird.

Storm faces the alarm clock.

"Oh, it's just you. Well, joke's over."

The alarm still rings.

"Stop it, it's not _that _funny." says an irritated Storm.

The alarm STILL rings.

"THAT'S IT!"

Storm tackles the lamp.

"**Stop your ringing, mister! I'm warning you. Stop it! I said quit it!"**

The lamp is destroyed. Storm faces the clock again.

"Please, you gotta help me find that noise"

The clock leaves.

"Well, SCREW YOU! I'll tell someone who cares!

Storm rips his feathers off, colors them green, and draws Jet's face on them.

"Boss, who's making that noise?"

The feathers just sit there. The bird's stomach growl.

"BREAKFAST!"

He opens his pantry overfilled with cans.

"Damnit! No food! All I have is these damn cans with damn pictures of food on them. I wanted real food not pictures!

He stops to think.

"Wait. The food is _in _the can!"

Storm puts the can on the table.

"Okay, come on out. Come on. Oh, yeah."

Nothing happens. Storm gets a plate.

"Okay, breakfast, get on the plate. Come on. Nice, comfy plate just for you. Come on, get on there."

Nothing happens.

"I'm coming to rescue you!"

He tries to pry open the can but to no avail.

"Damn cans."

He tosses the can at the clock, destroying the can.

"Food."

"Ah, my favorite time of the day. Breakfast and a little morning television."

Storm turns the TV on.

"And now, live from Station Square, it's "Station Square Live"!"

Storm eats his food, only to have the alarm ring again.

"OH MY GOD! I'M LATE!"

Storm runs to his room.

"I gotta put on my teeth and brush my shoes!"

He flies through his closet.

"Shoes."

He flies through the bathroom.

"A clean mouth is a happy mouth."

The toothpaste falls off.

"Damn."

After seconds of crashing later, he lands near Jet and Wave.

"Hi, Storm. How was your morning?" asks Wave.

"You know, the usual." replies Storm.


	2. The Donut of Shame

The Donut of Shame

We see Storm the Albatross just waking up.

"Ugh, where am I?" says the bird.

He looks around the room. Then it hits him.

"Oh, heh heh. That's right. I got drunk at the party and crashed in Jet the Hawk's kitchen... on the ceiling."

Realizing that's impossible, Storm falls off the ceiling and onto Jet's sofa.

"See, Boss? I told you we shouldn't stay up past 12:30. Things get _**real crazy**_ after 12:30."

We flashback to 12:35 and Jet and Storm are having a tea party.

"Would you like another spot of tea, Ms. Nibsy? Oh, you would?" says Jet.

"Whoo... chamomile, chamomile, chamomile!" chants Storm.

We go back to reality.

"Damn, she really knows how to pound 'em down, huh, Boss?"

Snoring is heard.

"Boss?"

More snoring.

"Jet?!"

Jet is asleep on the table. Storm stares at the chocolate donut in Jet's hand. Storm drools.

"That's a good lookin' donut. Wow."

Storm tries to take the donut, but to no avail.

"This donut's connected to Jet. Hmm..."

Storm removes the donut.

"It worked!"

He runs to his house with the dount.

"A beautiful specimen of donut-hood. A donut this nice deserves to be served on fine china!"

Storm opens the cupboard, only to have multiple plates fall on the floor and break. One plate is left.

"The good plate."

Storm sits down at the table.

"Don't worry, donut. No longer will you suffer the indignity of sub-par dining wear. I don't think I've ever seen a donut this nice before."

Storm stops to think, again.

"Except maybe that donut Jet showed me last night."

We flashback to last night. Jet and Storm are both drunk.

"A donut this nice could really make a guy happy." says Jet. He passes out on the table. We go back to realiity. Storm gasps.

"This is Jet's delicious..."

Storm puts the donut in his mouth.

"Wai... I 'ant eat 'is 'onut."

He spits it out.

"It's Jet's!"

Storm bursts into tears. His angel and devil appear.

"Go on and eat it! What are you waiting for?!" says Devil Storm.

"Don't eat it, it's Jet's donut!" says Angel Storm.

"I... I HATE conflicts!"

Storm cries some more. Devil Storm has had enough.

"It couldn't get any easier than this. Just hook a chain to it, pop it in your mouth, and then when your hawk friend wants it back, just yank it out!"

"I hate to admit it, but that's a great idea." says Angel Storm.

Storm puts the donut in his mouth. He takes the chain out, but with no donut.

"Jet's donut! I ATE IT!"

Storm coughs the donut out.

"I've gotta sneak this back into Jet's house before he..."

Storm is cut off by his cell phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Storm!" says Jet on the other line. Storm panicks.

"Hey, Storm. It's Jet. That was some party last night, huh, buddy?"

Storm screams.

"That's exactly how I feel about it. Ahh! Luckily, I videotaped the whole party so we can relive it over and over and over again!" says Jet.

"Ack! Don't watch that tape!"

"I'm waiting to watch it with you, silly. I'll be right over." says Jet.

Jet hangs up the phone.

"Sheesh, Storm's so excited. I better not keep him waiting."

"Oh, no... that video will show me stealing Jet's donut. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, eee, eee! I gotta hide this thing." says Storm.

Storm hides it under the rug. But then he thinks about it.

"Hey, Storm, I-"

Jet steps on the donut.

"Donut! You monster. You monster!"

Storm takes the dount and hides it in the toaster. He thinks about _THAT._

"Nothing goes with a video like toast. Let's pop some toast in the toaster and watch this bad boy!" says Jet.

Storm takes the now hot donut and drops it in the toilet. He thinks about Jet again.

"Get out of the way, Storm, I gotta go!" says Jet.

"I know! The attic!" says Storm.

He runs to the "attic".

"Wait... I don't have an attic."

Storm falls on the floor.

"I know! The attic!"

The same thing happens.

"Hi, Storm!"

"ACK! Hi, Boss!"

"Are you ready to..."

Jet is cut off.

**"I don't have anything behind my back, so don't look there!" **says Storm.

The donut is in Storm's feathers.

"O... K. No problem. Ready to see this?"

Jet takes out the tape. Storm panicks.

"The official testament of how heartily we party... hardy?" asks Jet.

Before Jet pushes "play", Storm confesses.

"NO! I took it, Boss. I took your donut. I'm sorry."

"Oh, Storm. You really need to see this video."

The video shows Jet handing Storm the donut for him to eat.

"You mean... this is mine?" asks Storm.

"Yes! It was _your _birthday!"

"When?" asks Storm.

"Last night, stupid!"

"Thanks, Boss! Wanna split it?" asks Storm.

"Sure, Pal!"

Both eat the donut, but Jet stops eating his with a disgusted look on his face.

"Pretty good, huh, Boss?"

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	3. Life of Crime Part I

Life of Crime

At the Chaotix Detective Agency, we here the TV.

"And now, back to Chao Crime Theater."

We see a Dark Chao steal another Chao's purse.

"STOP, THIEF!" yells the Chao.

The cops appear.

"Which way did he go?" asks a cop.

"He went that way!" says the Chao.

The Dark Choa is captured and arrested.

"Damn! Foiled again!" says the Dark Chao.

We see Vector the Crocodile watching TV with the Rogues.

"What a no-good snake-in-the-grass that guy was! There ain't nothing worse than a thief. Thieves need to be locked up forever! They should all be strung up by their throats and forced to breathe water!" exclaims Vector.

"But Vector. What about all the stuff you stole?" asks Jet the Hawk.

"What do you mean?!" asks Vector.

Wave the Swallow points to a barrel.

"Like that barrel. It says 'Property of Chao Farms'." says Wave.

Vector gets down from the barrel.

"Oh, that's where I rent my pickles from." says Vector.

"Are you renting the barrel, too?" asks Jet.

"Umm... no."

"Then you bought it?"

"No"

"Then, isn't that stealing?"

"Well, uh..."

Storm the Albatross grabs a towel.

"What about this towel from the Sizzling Spring Sauna?" asks Storm.

"Um..."

"And the City Hall phone?" asks Wave.

"Well, I..."

"And Amy's hammer?" asks Storm.

"Oh, that's..."

And BIg's fishing pole?" asks Jet.

"Well, he..."

"Even Vanilla's lipstick?" asks Wave.

"THAT ONE WAS A GIFT!"

Vector takes the lipstick.

"Listen, all that stuff is, uhh, borrowed!" says Vector.

"Borrowed? Well, that's a relief. I thought you took it without permission." says Wave.

"Ahh, permission shmermission! You can borrow anything you want, anytime, as long as if you give it back before it's missed. Everyone knows that. Right?" asks Vector.

The Rogues nod.

"All right then! Hugs! You put in a hard day's work, boys."

"I'M A GIRL!" says Wave.

"See ya later!"

Vector takes out the lipstick.

"Oh, that was a close one."

We see the Rogues bored at the Soleanna Forest.

"Guys, look!" says Storm.

We see balloons for sale.

"I need some rings."

Storm checks his feathers, but they're empty.

"I don't have any money. Guys, I want a balloon really, really badly!"

His eye veins start growing.

"REALLY, REALLY BADLY!"

"It's okay, Storm. There's lots of money in the First National Bank of Jet." says Jet.

Jet magically creates a rainbow.

"Follow... MEEEEEEEEEEE!"

The Rogues jump on the rainbow and land near a black pot. Jet picks it up and turns it over. Nothing.

"Damn. I'm broke, too." says Jet.

"_My_ money was stolen." says Wave.

"Maybe we can borrow money from Tails." says Jet.

"No, wait! Instead of borrowing the _money_, why don't we just borrow the _balloon_?" asks Storm.

"Yeah! Like Vector!" says Wave.

"It's just borrowing, right?" asks Storm.

"Yeah, and borrowing is okay as long as we bring it back, right?" asks Jet.

"Right!" says the others.

Jet sneaks to the stand and takes a balloon. The Rogues run into Soleanna City.

"This is so great!" says Storm.

"We're going to have so much fun! First we can run with the balloon!" says Jet.

"Yeah, then we can go to the beach with the balloon!" says Wave.

"Yeah, then we can take an Extreme Gear ride with the balloon, then we can go to the movies and the arcade and the ice rink and the pizza shop!" says Jet.

"And the moon and the sky and under a car and behind the dumpster!" says Storm.

"And the candy shop!"

"And then my backyard!"

"And in a plane!"

"And over a rock!"

"And under a hill!"

"And with a whale!"

"We love borrowing!" chants the Rogues.

The balloon pops.

"It popped." says Jet.

They stare at the balloon. They then realize that they "borrowed" it.

"How are we going to return it now, Boss?!" asks Storm.

"I got the pieces!" says Jet.

"I got the air!" says Storm.

"Hurry! Put the pieces back on!"

They try, but to no avail.

"We popped the balloon! We can't return it! We're thieves! We have to confess!" says Wave.

Storm didn't like that "C" word.

"Confess?! Are you out of your damn mind?! Do you have any idea what they do to people like us?! We're not talking about some damn mail fraud scheme or a hijacking here! WE! STOLE! A BALLOON!"

This attracts attention.

"And they're going to lock us up forever!"

Jet shuts him up.

"You're right, we've just got to keep our heads. Act normal."

They start doing stupid movements, causing the crowd to cheer.

"IT'S NOT WORKING!" says the Rogues.

They run away and into the balloon stand.

"Hi, there!" says the merchant.

The Rogues run away again.

"Hey! Don't you want a free balloon? It's National Free Balloon Day!"

"He's onto us!" says Storm.

"It's not safe in Soleanna anymore. We've got to move fast and cover our tracks!" says Jet.

"I'm on it!" says Storm.

He marks the prints with red paint. We, later, see the Rogues at a cliff.

"Take a last look, guys. We can never go back."

"Bye, Soleanna!" says Storm.

"We've only got ourselves and what we can carry on our backs." says Wave.

"Yep"

We see Storm carrying his house.

"We need to travel lighter, Storm." says Jet.

The Rogues head off into the sunset.

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	4. Life of Crime Part II

Life of Crime Part II

Jet and Storm were in the middle of the Dusty Desert at midnight. Wave was somewhere else.

"I wanna go home." says Storm.

"We can never go home, Storm; we're wanted men. We'll spend the rest of our lives running...running, but at least it's warm around the fire." says Jet.

"Hey, it's pretty windy out here. How can there be a..."

Storm is cut off by the fire being blown away.

"I'm scared, Boss!"

"No more nice, warm beds." says Jet.

Storm gets upset.

"No more Extreme Gear." says Jet.

Storm gets even more upset.

"No more getting nailed!" says Jet.

We see Storm hammering a nail in his head.

"No more Wave. No more movies. No more Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy."

Storm is in fetal position.

"No more _ANYTHING!" _says Jet, throwing away the list of things.

The two begin bawling their eyes out.

"I want ice cream!" yells Storm.

"But it doesn't have to be all bad, right? I mean, at least we have each other." says Jet.

"Yeah."

"And all that running is good for your buns and thighs, right?" asks Jet.

"And the bitter cold, it's bracing, isn't it?" asks Storm.

"Yeah! Maybe being a felon could be fun! We can loosen our ties!" says Jet, loosening a random tie.

"Yeah! And we can fly!" says Storm.

"YEAH!" says Jet.

Jet jumps off a cliff, but falls and crashes.

"Okay, we still can't do that." says Jet, weakly.

Jet comes back to Storm.

"But at least we don't have to shave." says Jet.

"I'm way ahead of you, buddy!" says Storm, showing off his extra leg feathers.

"And you get to talk tough!"

Jet puts on a deep, gruff voice.

"This town ain't big enough for the two of us!"

"Let me try." says Storm.

All he managed to say was "Hey, punk".

"And the best part is, now that we're felons, we don't have to return anything we borrow!" points out Jet.

"And we owe it all to you." says Storm.

"What are you talking about? Taking the balloon was _your_ evil plan." points out Jet.

"Oh, I'm nothing but a lot of talk. You're the one with the sticky fingers!" says Storm.

"Aw, Storm. You're the best bad influence ever!" says Jet.

"You, too!"

They hug. Awkward moment.

"I wish we had something to eat, though." says Storm.

Jet takes something out.

"Look what I've got."

"Rectangles!" yells Storm.

"Not just any rectangles...Candy bars!"

Storm starts drooling.

"All we have to do is make them last for the rest of our lives!" says Jet.

"Thanks, Boss." says Storm.

Storm's stupidity turns on.

"I think I'll eat it now!" says Storm.

Storm eats the whole thing without removing the wrapper.

"I think I'll eat it now!"

Storm bites his own hand.

"OWW! What the...?"

Storm's hand is empty.

"Where'd my candy bar go? I must have dropped it."

"You just ate it, Storm. It's all over your face."

Storm digs underground.

"Where'd it go? I'm going to starve!"

Storm resurfaces under Jet.

"I can't find it! Where could it possibly be?!"

Storm sees Jet's bar.

"You stole my candy bar!" says Storm.

"No, I didn't." says Jet.

"Oh, so that's how it is, huh? Once a thief, always a thief!"

"You ate yours, this is mine." says Jet.

"You took my only food."

We see Storm's enlarged bulk.

"Now I'm going to starve!"

Jet tries to be nice.

"Here, Storm. Just take half of mine." says Jet.

"Yours? You mean mine!"

"Do you want it or not?" asks Jet, getting annoyed.

"I don't want it unless you admit you took it!"

"This is my candy bar!" yells Jet.

"Liar, liar, plants for hire."

"It's 'pants on fire', Storm." says Jet.

"Well, you would know... liar."

Jet has had enough.

"Well, if you're going to be that way, I'll eat it myself!"

"You better not." warns Storm.

Jet removes the wrapper.

"I'm warning you!" yells Storm.

Jet moves the bar closer to him.

"DON'T!" yells Storm.

Jet's tounge barely touches the bar.

"STOP IT!" shrieks Storm.

Jet lightly bites on the bar.

"Don't! Ohh!" yells Storm.

Jet makes a string line of chocolate. Storm bellows loudly. Jet moves the bar around his, umm..., ear holes. He licks the bar wildly, becomes naugthy with it, then eats the whole thing.

"YOU'RE A _**CRAZY **_PERSON! I should have expected this after the way you stole that balloon!" yells Storm.

"Did I, Storm, did I? Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me to steal it?!" asks Jet.

"Ohh, that's it!"

Storm crushes the wood. The fire reappears, burning Storm's foot.

"First the balloon, now my candy bar! You're out of control! I...I..."

Storm puts on his Mephiles-like voice.

"I'm telling on you!"

Jet gasps.

"Not if I tell on you first!"

Jet runs away.

"I'll beat you there!"

Storm follows him.

"You're going to get in trouble!" says Jet.

"No, you are!" says Storm.

The two make it to the Soleanna Police Department.

"He.. when.. him... and the balloon.. and the boom... I..." they both say.

"What can I do for you boys?" says the officer.

"We stole a balloon!"

The two bawl their eyes out again. Another officer appears.

"What's the problem here?"

"Well, it appears these two stole a balloon."

"What are you going to do to us?" asks Jet, still crying.

The officers whisper to each other.

"Okay, follow us."

They head to a cell. Wave had already turned herself in earlier.

"If you can't do the time, don't do the crime." says the officers.

The Rogues are lock up. Four seconds later, the cell opens.

"Okay, time's up. Now get out."

"But...But...we stole a balloon." says Jet.

"Yeah, on Free Balloon Day!" says the officers.

They laugh, but the Rogues are dumbfounded. We see them outside.

"How about some lollipops for the road?" asks the officer.

"Let's vow never to borrow anything without permission ever again." says Wave.

"You said it." says Jet.

One lollipop is eaten. Everyone looks at Storm.

"All right! Which one of you dumbasses stole my lollipop?!" asks Storm.

Everyone laughs.

"I mean it!"


	5. The Endless Summer

The Endless Summer

We see Storm the Albatross entering The Chaotix Detective Agency. He sees a smoke stack, inside a car, pumping exhaust through a tube to the ceiling.

"That's odd." says Storm.

Storm removes the tube, and gets tangled in it. Vector the Crocodile runs in.

"Storm! You're wasting my damn carbon dioxide!" yells Vector.

"Carbon dioxide?" asks Storm.

"I'm pumpin' it into the atmosphere. Thanks to Global Warming, the temperature will soon go through the roof. And then we'll have an endless summer!" says Vector.

"Why do you want an endless summer?" asks Storm.

"So I can open my latest money maker, The Chaotix Pool!" says Vector.

"But what about winter sports?" asks Storm.

"Eh, forget winter, Storm. We're talking about sun tanning, hanging 10, and swimming all year long!" says Storm.

"Hmm... The endless summer does sound like fun!" says Storm.

"And profitable!" adds Vector.

"Fun and profitable! Big business does it again. I just wish it could be the endless summer right now!" says Storm.

He gets an idea.

We see Vector playing with little clay dolls.

"Umbrellas are three dollars, sir! Oh! What a bargain! I'll give you five!"

The dolls melt.

"What the hell? It suddenly got a little warm in here."

Vector exits the office.

"Who turned up the hea...?!"

Vector sees Storm installing hunderds of cars.

"Storm! What are you doing?!" asks Vector.

"Just throwing another tire for the fire for Global Warming! Hey, look! It's working! The entire town is heading to this way to cool off.

"You mean pay off! Hurry, Storm! Fill the pool, fill the pool!"

Storm does so.

"The money is ready folks! The line starts here!" says Vector.

Everyone tramples him.

"Where's everybody going?" asks Vector.

"We are all moving to north! We can't live here anymore! It's too hot!" says Charmy Bee.

"Everyone's moving to cooler climates." says a depressed Vector.

"Look at the bright side, Vector! There won't be a line to go to the pool! Caaannnooonnnbaaaalll!"

The water evaporates away. Storm falls on the ground.

"Ouch!"


End file.
